Everything seemed to make no sense at all for Samaira as she laid on her bed carrying that burning desire within her to let go. Every time she tried to find a reason to hold on to that hope, all she’d ever feel was the hurt that never left her side. She knew that the darkness would take over her soul someday that there won’t ever be a way out of it and the only way to get out of this misery was to give up on her life. She tried to cry without letting those sobs wake her parents up, she felt all alone and she knew she had to go through it that way, she can’t let them know that their only daughter had let them down, they won’t be able to handle it.
It had been months since Rishabh had left, the bruises on Samaira’s body had faded yet the scars were still fresh like it all happened yesterday. She thought it was all worth it, she thought she deserved the pain because that was how she could prove how madly she was in love with him until she realized how stupid she was to believe on his lies. She kept telling herself that it was worth it, even on the times he used to slap her for just talking to a guy even for a few moments. Rishabh met her in the first year of her B.com and she instantly fell for his sweet words, his charm and the way of expressing his love. There was a time she thought it was all meant to be forever until the day he started being over possessive even when she was absolutely at no fault, she used to get snatched away by him leaving bruises on her hands, which she had to hide from her parents filling in every lie possible. She thought it was all worth it but that day, her world came crashing down when she caught him kissing Pakhi, the other girl from their class. She was abused & told to fuck off, that he never wanted to even look at her. She still wanted to forgive him, for she couldn’t imagine her life without him, she wanted it to last, she wanted them to be together and even after 2 years she could still feel that hurt & she had to end it, even if it meant to end her own life.
“@heartfulquotes wants to send you a message” Samaira’s phone beeped with an Instagram notification. This was weird, she had an account with merely 40 followers & all she posted was stories and posts expressing everything she felt, though no one bothered to read them at all. She tapped on the notification wiping her tears off, though she knew it won’t make it better. It was a reply to the story she had posted 2 hours ago, the story that read “ & what if I’d want to end it all, what if it’s so hard to breathe that not trying at all would feel like a better option, what if I don’t find any reason to hold on to…?”
She stared blankly at the reply still trying to figure out what would have made that person read her story, why would anyone care what she was feeling. She clicked and turned her screen off still repeating that reply within her mind “What if there’s a reason you’d want to hold on to, you’d want to live, the reason that would make you feel happy, that would turn every single moment beautiful?”
She tried hard not to think about it, act as if she had never read it and not accept that text, delete it from her message requests and get back to try making failed attempts to get over her past.
But somewhere deep down she was still thinking about it & even after struggling for an hour over wanting to delete that text, she ended up replying to it, though the reply contained two question marks (??) but she ended up tapping on the unsend option, deleted the conversation and locked her phone.
15 minutes had passed since she resisted checking the reply, she knew that even after unsending, the admin of that page might have noticed her reply. She finally gave in, as she checked on the text.
“I can’t answer it, if you don’t even ask.” The reply read. She didn’t know what to say or why was she even getting involved in the conversation but somehow, she failed to stop herself.
“Maybe this won’t mean anything to you, but I have been reading what you write since months now, though I never replied still I knew you had a story, the pain you express is something I can feel every time I read what you write, I don’t know if this makes sense but I still want to try, though you don’t read it or not, I’m going to leave a quote for you every morning in here, now it’s up to you if you think it can’t be the reason of your happiness, you can ignore it and go on with your life but I’ll still try.” She read it all but didn’t reply, she thought that the words didn’t mean anything and the texts would eventually stop.
3 Months had passed since that day, Samaira was addicted to the quotes she used to receive every day, they had become her only reason to live with hope, though she wanted to deny every part of it but deep down she knew. They had become her sole reason of happiness, something that gave her power to hold on to, they gave her hope that things would be better someday. Strange as it sounds they both didn’t know each other’s name but the texts never stopped arriving since last few months, even though Samaira never replied but he knew she was reading them, every single day.
She kept a track of days since the quotes started arriving, she could feel the change within her, her life was changing, she had finally decided to reply that day, to tell him how thankful she was to him and how everything he had said on that day was so true. She wanted to ask him why would he do this for her when he didn’t even know her name. It was the same day, their first conversation would complete 4 months today, she checked on the clock and waited for the quote to arrive, but it didn’t. It was the first time since the past 4 months that there wasn’t any text from him, she waited impatiently stalking his profile to check if he has uploaded any stories or not. As the time passed she became even more restless, that was when she had realized how important those words had become for her, she knew she won’t be able to bear losing them as well. It was for the first time that she found herself smiling every day since her miserable past and she didn’t want to lose the only reason of that smile.
“??” she tapped on the send button and waited for the reply. It was 2 am when she finally gave up waiting, found herself in tears and decided that she won’t ever get too attached to anything or anyone ever again, she kept telling herself that it was no big deal, that he didn’t owe anything to her when she didn’t even bother to reply to him.
It was about 2.30 that her phone beeped and she didn’t waste a second before checking on it. The text read,
“Just know that your smile can light up someone’s whole damn world, never give up on that. You’re adorable & you deserve every bit of the happiness that exists in this world.”
She couldn’t stop crying, even though she found her smile between those tears as she ended up replying,
“I just hate you so much..”
“Don’t tell me you were waiting for the quote!?”
“No, I wasn’t and you should stop texting me.” She wiped off her tears and blushed.
“Alright.”
“??” she replied after waiting for the next 10 minutes hoping he would say something.
“What? You told me not to text you!”
“….”
They kept talking, as he told her that his name was Sameer and he lived in Mumbai. She couldn’t believe that they literally shared the same city though their houses were far from each other. She finally found the courage to tell him that she was actually waiting as he told her he met with a minor accident and had to visit the hospital immediately. She was so worried but he assured her that he was okay & promised her that he won’t ever miss the quote thing again. She checked on the clock as it struck 4 am but she just didn’t want to stop, it had been years since she felt so alive & happy that she actually wanted to live her life and find her purpose.
It was going to be a year since they had talked as Samaira received a text at 11.55 pm from Sameer as it read:
“The day I decided to reply to that story was the day I finally met the most special person of my life, just don’t ask anything & do as I say.” She didn’t know what he was up to but she had predicted that it might be a special quote surprise or something. It was 11.59 when she received another text:
“Open your room’s window”
“??”
“Just do as I say.”
She opened the window as she found him standing near his car holding a paper with a note on it:
“So, Miss Samaira Shah, will you like to gift me the chance to write handwritten notes and hide them under your pillow every night, someday? Will you be mine? I LOVE YOU.”
She couldn’t believe what she had just read as tears found their way out of her beautiful eyes, she was still in her night dress with her eyes a bit drowsy but she couldn’t look more adorable in person, it was the first time he saw her so close. He was lost in the way her eyes looked at him when his phone rang.
“Do you even know what you do to my heart, Mr. Sameer? You made me find happiness when I couldn’t even find myself in this darkness. You’re the reason I found hope, purpose and reason to live, I love you so much more than you can’t even imagine.”
& they couldn’t stop crying staring at each other, losing the track of time…
-by Sanket Panchbhave
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