I Want What You Want

"Anon?"

"Yes, my love?" I reply, rather dashingly.

She laughs. A musical sound, full of mirth. She sees right through my bullshit; we never bother with pet names for each other.

A pause. Then: "Where do you see us in five years?"

Another pause, my turn. Measuring my words carefully. "You know what? I've never really thought that far ahead...to be honest, I'm kind of surprised - pleasantly so - that you still keep me around after all this time."

I smile wryly. She smiles back, waiting. I continue.

"But if you mean, do I see us...married, maybe? A house, with a white picket fence; a dog, maybe a cat; and...one-point-two kids? Is that the statistical average these days?"

She laughs, softly this time. May as well keep going.

"Well...if that's what you mean, then I guess - whatever you envisioned for yourself in five years, then I'd see myself doing the same."

She cocks her head and smiles impishly at me. "That's a very long-winded way of not answering the question."

Another wry smile; I reserve my best of them for her. "So, 'I want what you want' - that isn't good enough?"

Her expression fades. Serious now. "It's not all about me, you know that. It's what you want for yourself too."

I nod, slowly. "True...but it doesn't cost me anything to do what makes you happy. It's not a transaction, like give and take."

I pause, close my eyes. Recite something I read long ago that stuck somehow:

"My bounty is as boundless as the sea,

My love as deep; the more I give to thee,

The more I have, for both are infinite."

I open my eyes. She's gazing intently at me, her expression unfathomable.

"Juliet said that, to Romeo." I smile. "You know...each and every day - without fail, without exaggeration - I look at you and think: with all the mistakes I've made in this life, all the regrets I have - what did I do right to deserve having you in my life, to be by your side?"

She closes her eyes then, overcome with emotion.

Opens them again, eyes shining; her smile returning. That smile. Her lower lip trembles slightly. God she's beautiful.

"I'm not a religious man by any measure, but...I feel like it's a blessing - a miracle, really - that I found a happiness with you that I knew existed, for a lucky few, but never expected for myself."

She's weeping now, silent rivulets of tears down her face.

But still she smiles, tremulously. My chest tightens as I speak once more.

"And yet...here I am. Here we are."

Silence.

"So when I say, 'I want what you want' - it's the truth. I do love you after all."

Something catches in my throat. I'm glad I've run out of things to say.

She stares at me a long moment, thoughtfully. Her hand rises to my cheek.

When she finally speaks, her voice quavers, but is full of resolve. A decision made.

"I want...I want to be married to you."

My turn to be speechless. "...Really?...Seriously?"

She laughs, shakily, with relief this time.

"Yes, you fool. Now come here."