That Voice

You know I don’t talk enough about the beauty in life. The weather, nature, the people. All of it is just so beautiful at times.

The sun shining over the land after a storm hits. The light reflecting off of newly made puddles. Little kids running out to play and jump around. Not caring if they get muddy.

“I hate the sun.”

Even when working at a food place you get to see so many amazing people. So kind and so happy. The good outweighs the bad. It really does. You just need to give yourself time to think about it. It’s the thing that can help keep a person saine. Thinking about the good rather than the bad.

“Thinking about the bad is what keeps us in check.”

Th-Thinking and hoping for the best in life rather than the what if’s. Having doubt in yourself. “Your greatest enemy is yourself.” I think we’ve all heard that line at least once before. Never knew it would be so true.

“I didn’t know until it was too late.”

I- but, even if I didn’t realize it at first I’m sure there were people who tried to help. There’s always people in this world who just want to help. Doing good just to do good. Happy to help.

“They wouldn’t help if they knew.”

They won’t find out. You're not real. Why do I even bother with you? You’re just a thought.

No, I won’t let you do this, not here. Life is beautiful, life is great. I have so many amazing friends and family. I love them all.

“Yes, but you fail them.”

I mess up sometimes, yes but, they forgive me. They say it’s ok.

“Are you sure about that.”

Yes, they-they surely would’ve left me if I was bothering them. They wouldn’t hide that. Maybe they would. I’ve been so awful in the past.

“Oh, didn’t you just say to move past your past. Heh now I get why you say it like that. It is fun.”

Fuck off you psychopath. It’s not like that. I have good intentions. I’m just not good at doing them. I want to help.

….

But I’m so bad at it…. No, I can move past this, the light will shine again. Good things will happen. I just have to be patient and try harder.

“Who’s to say you won’t mess up again. You say this every time. But nothing has changed.”

It’ll be different, I promise. I can change. I just need time to concentrate.

I just need- I don’t know.

“Just relax and let me take control. You deserve a break.”

I’ve let you in control before. I’m not making that mistake again. I can get through this, without asking for help. I don’t know how to tell them I need help. And I don’t want them to worry.

“Calm your nerves. Let me help.”

How, how are you going to help?

“This.”

A-a knife? Why- no. I won’t do it.

“Hm? You know what to do with it. We both know you’ve had a craving for the sight of blood recently.”

No, no. They’ll notice, I can’t do this.

But it’s what I deserve. I’ve caused so much pain. The world is so kind but I’m so awful.

“It’ll only sting for a while. The pain will ease your mind.”

I-I, I’m scared.

“Just let the knife slide across your skin. It will help.”

I don’t- ok. I’m doing it.


Category: Sad Stories

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